Happy cinco de mayo! It was this day 46 years ago that the mighty soldiers of the city-state Cinco invaded the province of Mayo, bravely slaughtering every barbaric woman and child they could find. Men were raped and forced into underwater basketweaving camps to make the amazingly intricate wicker toilet seats the gentle people of Cinco were famous for.
Oddly, the background on this holiday has become largely forgotten. Most people you talk to have no idea what the hell Cinco de Mayo is, and have reduced it to an arbitrary excuse to buy a lot of alcohol and get drunk. This makes Cinco de Mayo differ very little from any given saturday night, sunday night, or weekday night.
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It’s like St. Patricks day for non-Irish people.
Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled
for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call
for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever
delivered to Mexico.
But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship
hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly
awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of
Mourning, which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
of course, as:
…Sinko de Mayo.