The Iggblog

Snipped of an update email from Maria, an ex-coworker of mine from my glory days at Diagenics:

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“So last night we had a Diagenics get together that consisted of Tony, Joey,
Mark and myself. Mark is huge ;o) Anyway…I wanted to include you but
didn’t know how to locate you. Dave has moved out to TX so he couldn’t
make it…which made most of us happy seeing as how last time we got
together he was being his usual creepy self and started talking about
dating. Tony said that he should try match or something and he proceeded
to tell us that he has tried something similiar. Well, we should have
stopped the inquiry right there!! So little innocent Tony asks him what
site he’s on and Dave writes on a piece of paper MPWH.com. What’s that
Tony asks?? So Dave then pretty much yells out for the table and half the
restuarant …MANY PEOPLE WITH HERPES.com (hahahaa….sorry…I’m laughing
as I’m typing!!!!) Anywho, needless to say we were in no hurry after that
to meet again, or finish our dinners for that matter!”

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Dave was our project manager. Relatively normal looking guy in his 40s/50s… but in reality an extremely creepy guy. he would say the weirdest and least appropriate things at the most awkward times (and in a very normal matter-of-fact voice). some previous examples of his interesting conversational abilities:

– One time when he was driving a bunch of us to lunch, we quesioned him about a small circular burn on his car’s ceiling. his response to his carload of people was “Oh, that’s a cigarette burn. I was driving drunk one time, I drive drunk all the time, and I hopped a curb. I was holding the butt in my right hand and I guess I stabbed it into the ceiling”. I heard 2 seatbelts buckle right around then.

– He comes in from a cigarette break “hey guys, can you give me a hand? I lit the bushes outside on fire while I was smoking”. We never asked if this was intentional or not. no idea how you light juniper-type bushes on fire with a cigarette by mistake?

– He had a thing for this one waitress at On The Border. she was like 23 or so. every time she would walk by, he’d have his eyes fixed with adamant resolution on her ass and he’d audibly mutter “I’d love to have kids with that girl”. I guess you’d have to see the non-wholesome look he’d eye her with. I mean, she had a nice ass and all, so I’m not questioning the staring on his (very single) part. His remarks of her never seemed to match his mode though. I’m shivering right now just thinking about it.

– and now the simple and matter of fact “Hey guys, I’ve got herpes. how bout that?” at the dinnertable. This was one of those situations where lying a little saying “I’ve been using match.com” would be perfectly acceptable. It’s not along the same lines as “I’ve got this terrible back pain” or “I think I’m getting the flu”. It’s more along the line of “I’ve been getting these anal warts lately”… just something you don’t want to think about during dinner.

Then again, if any of you have been around long enough to remember “Claude” you’d know that none of this shouldn weird me out in the slightest. Man, that company had some really sketchy people. Don’t get me started on Ze Germans.