The Iggblog

While “driving” today, an idea dawned upon me. I use the term “driving” loosely since traveling under 15mph could hardly be considered driving at all in any reasonable sense of the word. Whilst enjoying a traffic jam today on 495 it took me about one hour to traverse 10 miles. If you’re good at math, this will tell you I was going about 10mph. If you’re bad at math, it’s more like 8mph. Don’t ask why, I don’t make the rules. Anyhow, I was on the phone with Seth to keep from falling asleep and it dawned on me “I could really use some coffee right now. Like, wicked”. So Seth and I discussed the options of mobile coffee distribution for just such an occasion.

The first idea was a mobile coffee truck, like those mobile food trucks/kiosks that you see in New York City that serve salty pretzels or oily sausages of some dreadful origin. They would be permitted to drive in the breakdown lane since they were providing a service to all. Who can argue with that? another option would be to add a separate coffee lane for these trucks to drive in. Clearly these vehicles are of such importance as to demand the extra infrastructure.

The second (and far cooler) idea would be much better for the distribution aspect fo mobile coffee delivery. A semitruck would be dispatched to the traffic jam location, carrying a number of men on bicycles. This throng of espresso warriors would drive into the gridlock and maneuver between cars to get to the needy folks. One or two would have an espresso machine on their backs. The others would carry battery packs being constantly charged by those cool rear wheel generators that your parents bikes had to power the headlight. Upon reaching a needy soul, they would all yell “LET OUR POWERS COMBINE!”, and they would merge into a Voltron-like host of coffee dispensing righteousness. The battery bikes would plug into the espresso bike, and out would churn the delicious coffee. Then they would revert into their much more mobile decentralized form to get to the next customer.

Clearly this has to come to pass. I see no way around it.