The IggBlog

I posted the following entry in my LJ blog back in 2004 (before it was the haven of emo ranting that it’s become). Normally I don’t like to recycle material, but this may become an annual post since it never seems to become any less true. I love snow… but like many things in life, it’s ruined by other people.

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Snow. Snow is funny stuff.

Snow appears harmless enough when blanketing the scenery in peaceful whiteness. Its very nature is almost “kind”. Light… fluffy… delicate. BUT… Something darker lurks beneath the surface. The docile exterior of ice belies an ethereal core of absolute stupidity.

The snowflake is a complex object. The crystal husk is merely a carrier vessel for a small portal to another sort of supersymmetrical dimension. The true quintessence of snow lies in this ethereal form. The particles from this dimension exist partially in our realm and partially in the supersymmetrical realm. The component of these particles that exists in our dimension is very small. These “fingers” into our “heavy space”, known as an LSSP (lightest super-stupid particle) is what snowflakes seed upon.

The mechanism by which snow “works” upon humans is even more interesting. Snow would normally float about in the upper atmosphere since snow clearly floats. Throw a snowball into water and you’ll see what I mean. But this superdimensional seed of stupidity adds just enough mass for the snowflakes to fall slowly and gently to the ground. Upon reaching the ground, the LSSP is released from the snow, and rises to the upper atmosphere to seed another flake. While in these states, snow is harmless. It could even fall on your head and it wouldn’t matter… there’s simply not enough force to drive the LSSP into your head. After alighting on your head, it floats back into the atmosphere like normal. However, a curious thing happens when snow is hit by a car. The crystal is hit with such force that the payload of stupidity is ripped from the core of the snowflake, and travels through the windshield of the car, leaving its icy prison behind. The LSSP is driven into the driver’s brain, where it is pulled the rest of the way into our dimension. It expands to its full size and darkles the driver’s mind, impeding neural activity and impairing the subject’s higher functions.

Normally, one such incursion into the human brain has little effect (especially in the state of Massachusetts, where the drivers give the LSSP very little to impair on in the first place)… but during a snowstorm, the drivers are pelted with countless vessels of crystalline stupidity. They are reduced to a near inanimate state (except in Massachusetts, where they become only slightly less intelligent than normal).

Originally published at The IggBlog. You can comment here or there.

From link below:

“PFLUGERVILLE, Texas – A Pflugerville man is arrested for driving home a piece of construction equipment, police say while intoxicated. FOX 7 News first reported this in October, now Pflugerville Police are releasing the video.”

Full story (with video): Clicky

A steam roller would have been bad enough, this thing looks more like a road crushing juggernaut. I realize it doesn’t go fast, but can you imagine what would happen if a person or car got in the way of that death machine and he didn’t notice or stop?

Originally published at The IggBlog. You can comment here or there.

Driving on days like today make me very thankful for having gone through a few seasons of ice racing and training at Tim O’Neil‘s rally school. Not because I’m sliding all over the place 100% of the time, but because it gives me the confidence and knowledge to not drive like a complete asshat. The drivers out there were so bad that they were slowing down the snowplows. If you’re driving slower than the plows, keeping them from moving, you probably shouldn’t be on the road yet.

Originally published at The IggBlog. You can comment here or there.

So I got t-boned last night. Some delightful fellow smashed into my driver’s side, towards the rear (picture their drivers side headlight would have hit right where I was. Most of the damage is to the rear of the car though. I was most of the way through the intersection and this guy either flew through the stop sign or couldn’t stop. Either way he didn’t stick around. I don’t think I have rental coverage, so I guess I get to burn some vacation time on a xmas vacation. This must be my “happy holidays” message from the powers that be.

Originally published at The IggBlog. You can comment here or there.

Apparently the sky is falling. In discrete packets of snow. A lot of it. Luckily work is treating it like the second coming and putting everyone up in a local hotel if they don’t feel like driving home. After carefully weighing the benefits of driving home in traffic that’s literally backed up a couple dozen carlengths into the parking lot against staying in a hotel that has an irish bar that brews their own beer, I decided to stay. My boss pointed out there is Baileys’ in his drawer for just this kind of emergency situation, and that drinking at work from this point forward is to be strictly enforced. You know, to keep the troops happy. If you have to drive home today, drive safe New Englandahs.

Originally published at The IggBlog. You can comment here or there.

On the way home, I saw someone actually using hand signals in their car instead of their blinkers. At first I thought “what a goon! Fix your lights, scrub!” Then I thought how few people even bother with their regular turn signals, and how this guy is guy is going so far as to stick his arm out the window every time he even changes lanes. That’s a lot more effort than most drivers bother to pur forward. Props to you, hand-signal-guy. props to you.

Originally published at The IggBlog. You can comment here or there.