So there’s this guy at our place with a Segway. You know, the dorky pogo stick with wheels that middle age yuppies and mall cops think are really cool. Well, this guy thinks it’s real cool. And he’s fucking creepy about it. I first heard about CSG one saturday morning when Emily came into the apartment after doing something or other downstairs. She said “did you know there was a guy with a Segway that lives here?” to which I of course said no. I mean, who really owns those things in real life? Turns out, that guy does.

Not only did she run into this random dude with a Segway, he was in the elevator. Standing in the back corner of the elevator car. On his Segway. Staring at the doorway when it opened. I’ve never run into him in that capacity, but I have seen him come out the back door of our apartment tower to take the trash out to the dumpster, buzzing along on his merry way. This struck me as odd since it isn’t exactly a long haul to the dumpster. I used my trusty jet pack to get a good view to illustrate:

(clicky for larger image)

I mean, a minute or so out in the harsh wide open. Maybe he’s a vampire, and he’s afraid he’ll either burn up if he’s outside for too long… or blind some people with his sparkly skin (depending on your flavor of vampire). The really creepy part is that he was just throwing away small bags, and we have trash chutes on each floor that they could have easily fit in. Maybe he didn’t want the facilities guy going through his trash in the morning? Sounding more and more like this guy is ditching body parts.

Today it got even more weird… I saw this random creepy white van when I was driving into the parking lot. It’s never been here before. It looked like someone was moving or something, because the back was open and there was what I thought was a dolly on the back. Nope, it was a Segway. Just like the trash incidents, it’s only a couple dozen paces from the door. And although he’s not exactly in underwear model shape, he’s not so massive and slovenly that he needs a machine to get around. So there CSG was, washing down the outside of his totally not sketchy windowless white van. Cleaning blood, no doubt. Dismembering bodies is messy business.

Although I risked life and limb to get this next picture, I figured the internet deserved more than one lousy shot. So stealthy as I could I got another. It’s not immediately obvious from the thumbnail, but he is no in fact riding the Segway naked. Although I’m guessing that’s in the near future. He’s just wearing skin colored clothes. I guess it could be clothes made of skin, I was kind of far away…